How many times you have felt you need to bring a positive acceptable and agreeable behavior in your child but unable to bring those positive behaviours in your children. You sit for whole day with your child to convince him/her to understand what is positive behavior and tried to get them disciplines but have not been able to do so.
You would have made them to understand by using sweet words, gifts, rewards. At one point of time you would have even felt your child/teen has understood and you would have relived finally positive behavior has been instilled in them. But next day or some times next moment you see them again not following them.
When analyzing with an unbiased mind this we come to know why a positive behaviour does not last for long especially in children/ Teen.
Children learn by seeing YOU and Practicing.
You say some thing, they don’t understand . They want a model they want a route map that holds their hand everyday.
Not only that, Mind is after all Mind it looks for what do I get out of doing it. it searches for a reward. Also it tries to avoid the unwanted hurting.
It is common for all and children are no exception. Hence it is always better to have a chart of what children/teen can do what is acceptable and what is not. This helps children/teens to follow a routine which inturn makes them to understand and practice it by making it a habbit.
Most of our children’s parents have been asking me for a chart. keeping them in mind I have been able to design a chart. Hope it does help them .
How use them.
First make a list of positive behaviors . while making this list let the child sits with you and take input from him . Make entire list . now ask him what are the rewards he/she needs for her good behavior . They are positive consequences .
saying Please and thank you
asking before taking anything
Knocking on Doors before Entering
Covering One’s Mouth When Sneezing or Coughing
Saying ‘Excuse me’
Not Making Fun of People
Show Respect to Elders
and so on (make a list of them according to your situations)
similary make a list of agreeable behaviors also make a positive consequences .
watching tv with a specied time
List of Behaviors
|Agreeable behavior’s||Positive consequences|
|Non agreeable behavior||Consequences|
|Bad behavior||Negative consequences|
Make these lists
|Best Behaviors||Positive Consequence|
|Dates from _____ to _______||Behavior and description||Type||Consequence|
Print the Behavior chart in a a2 size sheet, and hang it in a visible area especially the Living room. Make it a habit to fill the chart every day. And review them every week. Let the behaviors be very clear Such as
Instead of “watched TV for more time”.
“Today you watched TV for _____ may hours which is more than allotted time” .
“You did not do any work” .
“Today you were supposed to ……(specify work) at ……. To …… . and you could not accomplish the same(avoid But as much as possible)”
Attach list of behavior sheets in those places where child sees mostly. Avoid attaching the bad behaviors every where. Only good and agreeable behaviors are to be pasted every where.
Bad and not agreeable behaviors can be attached in one place.
Time table/Scheduler for children at Home
Select the Activities that are appropriate to your child/children/ you can also add new activities as needed. Please be firm at the same time take it as a game. If the child is unable to perform any activities regularly help him/her to achieve.
Make it a practice for few days, you too try to follow the similar routine . practice becomes Behaviors. And behavior become habits. And habits create identity.
|Wake up time|
|Coffee and refreshment|
|Bathing then prayer|
|Getting ready to school|
|Coming back from school time|
|Lunch/or shacks/sleeping time|
|Home work time/study time/tuition|
|Dinner and house hold work time|
|Mobile activity allowed|
|Playing with family time|
Make a small contract that both parent and child follow the consequences accordingly for the behaviour. The more positive consequences, the bonus consequences (reward or cutting in the facilities).
And both the parties agree for the same by signing. Better have all family members present and also one external person for monitoring the entire activities, especially a neutral, child coach, or child counselor.
Inform the child that this is important as he/she also does lot of good activities .which go unidentified many a times hence to have the reward this contract is must, also every one follow the same.
Many a times this can be used for even parents.
It could be played as a game to have fun.
Prepare the following check lists . you can attach them on the school bag.
Check lists before getting ready to school ( you can attach it at the entrance of the room of the child too.)
Keep uniform ready.
Pencils and pens are in place.
All notes for the day has been taken.
Keep the shoes polished.
Check list before coming living from the school/class.
All pencils and pens (any other things).
Home work book.
Checklist at home.
Revision of class.
Discussing the same s with parents.